geesudden

The single road

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geesudden

Hello everyone,

I've been contemplating moving for many years, and have never really made that definite decision to do so. Of course I have given it a lot of thought, but as with most things, time is knocking and once again I find myself in this mindset of wanting to change my life. I'm not too sure how many peeps here have made the move over as a single person? I have come to realise, that this really my biggest 'fear' and mountain to climb - that of having to make a move by myself and not have family to back me up or be supportive and with me in the process. I am 42 years old and realise that opportunities will not come by that often anymore and it will become more difficult the older I get. 

Jobwise, there could possibly be opportunities within the company I am currently working for in SA (possibly Vancouver / Toronto / Halifax). But getting back to my question - are there anyone out there with advice for a single person? Any questions, advice etc will be gladly appreciated :) 

 

KJ

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Jules

I think emigration is harder as a single person unless you are moving to a country where you have extended family already there. Couples have the benefit of being able to lean on one another and loneliness isn’t a factor. I have huge respect for singles who pull it off. 

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Nelline

I agree with Jules, however making such a big move as a couple can also be fraught with problems. If the relationship isn't rock-solid and able to "flow with the punches" it's going to go badly wrong - I know a few couples who split and it was entirely due to the pressures and stress of emigration. Having said that, I also think these people would probably have split anyway at some point, it may just have taken longer... the emigration part was the catalyst of the inevitable, probably

We actually have a friend due to land pretty soon as a single person. He has no family here. He'll do what most of us do and find friends who become like family.

You can do this, if you're determined enough - you need a little bit of luck, a lot of research, a lot of backbone and a spirit of adventure

 

 

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Chris Sampson

I think its more dependent on the person, but the fact that you understand that it may be difficult is in your favour. You mention opportunities within the company you work in which case you may be able to transfer to Canada and not completely burn your bridges until you are certain that Canada is for you. 

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Jules

Nelline is right about the couples risk if the relationship isn’t rock solid. Emigration will test you in ways you never thought possible and any cracks will become a gulf over time. 

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geesudden

Hi everyone

Thanks so much for all the replies thus far. Its been most helpful. I guess as with most things, we all have our own set of unique circumstances in life and any advice given / taken should take this into account. Having said this, its always refreshing to get some tips / advice from people out there already - who have done the hard yards and make them shape your thoughts. One tends to get trapped in your own thoughts on something like this. I have mentioned that I'm single, but I'm also 42 years old - its not like I'm 20 years old and can go and take some big chances and if it doesn't work then just come back to SA and start over. There is a career trail, savings trail etc., which I need to consider as well as the fact that if you're single and a bit 'older' you tend to get used to your own habits and way of life, which could also add to the challenge. Another factor playing on my mind is of course leaving a sibling and parent behind (we're a pretty close small family). 

So you could then ask - why would you even consider this given the circumstances? Because I can. What if its the opportunity for me to find a really fulfilling post, what if I meet really nice friends - possibly even a life partner? Another huge worry is the economic situation in SA. How can it be sustainable for a minute percentage of tax payers to keep 80% of the country afloat? And then being treated like a second grade citizen regardless?  

 

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Nelline

Given your age I'd say it should be sooner rather than later. Having said that I was 42 when we moved to Canada, it does get harder as you get older - I was 31 when we left SA originally so I do have previous experience to compare to. But it's perfectly do-able.

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OutOfSa

There are people that have moved on their own - recently I met a young lady that was probably the most confident together person I have met for a long time.  I was fascinated to learn her story, because I thought it must be extraordinary.  To my surprise there was nothing extraordinary, just a person that knew what they wanted,  mixed with a good dollop guts and determination & CONFIDENCE !  Really refreshing to see confidence backed by total competence.

As for your story, it seems to me it's more about personal exploration and desire for change - not necessarily about immigration.  I personally think that there is much to be gained by moving to a stable first world planet.  I say planet, because it's like being on another planet when compared to a place like SA.  42  might be considered fairly old to leave on your own, I was 44 when I moved - but I had a wife and 2 kids. That was hard.  As a single, you stand a good chance of meeting a suitable Canadian partner.  From there it would be a whole new universe. 

However, if it's demons your trying to shake loose, they will simply follow you here and settle in with you.  In fact, they will probably just get worse as you will be worn down and stressed out.  (You know I'm not talking religious demons ?! - life demons - depression, discomfort, feelings of not belonging.  There is also the middle aged male thing, by now you are aware (i'm sure) that the world hates you, not for any other reason except for your sex and age.  The irony is insane - the perceived discriminator (tyrannical patriarchy)  is discriminated against by the masses.  

You certainly have a chance to start over and succeed in a place where you can live in peace and prosper without fear of SA problems.  You'll still have all the frustrations of idiots in power making foolish decisions -but that's politics for you.  Building wealth seems to be easier here as things are more attainable & you get better value for money.  Your wealth does not erode away as quickly because interest rates are low.  

As a single person, you'll also be in a position to sponsor siblings - which means you might be able to give the gift of a new life to another member(s) of your family.  As SA dives deeper into the chasm of no return, a life line for a family member would be a super thing to do.

Perhaps you need to deal with your personal issues (reading between the lines - apologies if I'm mistaken about this) and then decide if you have the desire and energy to relocate.   The rewards are huge, but the journey is arduous and your ages is starting to work against you.  Perhaps this is the break you need to make a new and successful life?

Thinking about it, I know another bachelor (probably for life) he's very content and just fell in love - not with a person, but his Tesla.  He's 40 something, happy and content. So there's a similar case.  He has no family here except my family - which is like no relation surrogate family.  We even :censored: each other off from time to time Ha, Ha.  (You know get togethers !)

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Jeandre

Thought I'd give my 2c's worth, even though I'm also still in the infancy stages of settling in 😃, might give a different perspective on things. I came across at the beginning of Oct on my own as a single 30 year old. Although I have extended family here, I haven't seen them in years and I can't expect to just 'slot into their lives overnight'. That said, they've been a great help over the past few months, especially the festive season. So its not really a true comparison and there is a slight difference in age bracket, but I would say it all depends on your attitude toward it and capacity for change. As they say, 'a good attitude in a bad place is better than a bad attitude in a good place'. No doubt, its going to get lonely at times and tougher as the novelty (of a new bright and shiny country) starts to wear off and becomes the 'new-norm'. If you're willing to push yourself out of your comfort zone, thats when the magic happens 😜Personally, I've found that Canadians are (mostly 😉) extremely welcoming, warm and hospitable. You should make new friends and build a 'support base' relatively easily, but as all things go, over time and with patience. The hardest for me was when I was still looking for work, as you can imagine the stress associated with that, the lack of routine/'purpose' and the abundance of free-time you have, but not much to fill it with. This is were pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and going out/doing things/meeting new people/etc, solo, is generally easier said than done 😜But if you're relatively open-minded and embrace the new culture and way of life, things will be just peachy 😉 

I guess we all immigrate for our own reasons, whether political, career-driven, etc - you just have to hang on to yours when things feel overwhelming from time to time.

Well, my experience so far at least.

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Nettie
Posted (edited)
On 1/4/2019 at 4:20 AM, geesudden said:

Hello everyone,

I've been contemplating moving for many years, and have never really made that definite decision to do so. Of course I have given it a lot of thought, but as with most things, time is knocking and once again I find myself in this mindset of wanting to change my life. I'm not too sure how many peeps here have made the move over as a single person? I have come to realise, that this really my biggest 'fear' and mountain to climb - that of having to make a move by myself and not have family to back me up or be supportive and with me in the process. I am 42 years old and realise that opportunities will not come by that often anymore and it will become more difficult the older I get. 

Jobwise, there could possibly be opportunities within the company I am currently working for in SA (possibly Vancouver / Toronto / Halifax). But getting back to my question - are there anyone out there with advice for a single person? Any questions, advice etc will be gladly appreciated :)

 

KJ

Hi @geesudden. The first time I moved was at 30, as part of a 4 member family. That did help. But being part of a family also made some things a bit more stressful. 

The second time I moved  to Canada, I was late forties and single as in as single as you can get.  It was helpful to rent a room in a house just behind a church (didn't realize this when I arranged my living arrangements via Skype), but ended up walking to church to the ladies Bible study every Wednesday while I was looking for work. I made great friends that way and they became my support. So you're right. You can do with support, but it can come in different forms.

Once you land in the city of your choice, if you so choose, look up some meetup groups and get involved in the community that way. I also usually get a volunteering job just to make life a bit more interesting and rewarding.

Talk to people whom you have met in person and you know are trustworthy to make some connection before you come over. 

 

Edited by Nettie
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Nelline

To add to @Nettie's post, activities and even clubs are a great way of meeting like-minded people. Some of our best friends we met through the local hunting and shooting communities.

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Jules

My advice to anyone who isn’t a hardcore atheist: get connected with a local church, mosque, temple, synagogue (depending on your religious persuasion).  Most times you will find a group of good people willing to help. And your social calendar will fill up.

Obviously every group isn’t the same so you could have good or bad experiences. Some will be more welcoming and you might connect easier with certain groups. In our case we gravitated to the lively Pentecostal churches where they have lots of activities and our kids are plugged into youth and young adults programmes. Not easy getting depressed when people are swinging from the chandeliers lol.

 

 

 

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