tanchett

To new beginnings...

Recommended Posts

tanchett

What are we doing?

This is the question that runs through my head most days.

  • When it's been a long day and I pop off to the shops on the way home from my comfortable job because I can't find the energy to dig through my mess of a freezer for something to cook.
  • When my mum offers to babysit my son on Friday night so that the hubby and I can enjoy a date night (which is just a fancy way of saying we lie on the couch in our pajamas and binge watch whatever's on Netflix).
  • When the entire family has a braai and we play 30 Seconds until our stomachs hurt from all the laughing.

Those are the moments when I stop and look around and think, what are we even doing? Can I give this all up?

And then the guilt comes trip trapping on my door. Life's easy here and comfortable but I know what the end goal is. My mind knows why we're doing this, my heart sometimes puts up a fight.

Still, I long for car trips that don't include me scouring every inch around that robot (traffic light^_^) before I dare to stop my car. Trips to coffee shops where I don't have to make sure I can physically feel my handbag at all times. Days when I don't get snippy with my seven year old for taking too long to get out of the car in the mall parking lot - just in case someone is watching and ready to pounce.

My son's seven and so full of innocence and wonder. He has big dreams of being a robotic engineer even though I think he no idea what that really means. I close my eyes and see a day when he finishes high school having worked his little heart out, only to not be accepted into the university he wants to attend. I think even further to the day he's qualified and interviews for a job he's perfect for, that he will never ever even be considered for.

And that's when the question arises - what are we even doing? Am I just being a paranoid mum? Do we have what it takes to make it through this?

Is it normal to feel this way or is it smooth sailing for people wanting to leave?

So here we are. We've spent years researching countries we could maybe get into, with no luck. Canada was always the mirage in the window, beautiful but untouchable. Then the Express Entry changes came into effect, and here we find ourselves: ITA received, application in the process of being completed.

This forum has been an eye-opener. So many amazing stories of strength and perseverance and hope. It's exactly what we need during this time when we question our every decision.

We're ready for this. Ready to face every hardship that gets thrown our way. Ready to start from the bottom. Ready to fight to make it work.

To new beginnings...
To new adventures.

  • Like 12

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gary van der Westhuizen

@tanchett Welcome! 

We arrived in Toronto this week, so I can only talk to what we have experienced, to say it is a rollercoaster ride is an understatement. It took us about a year to get here, and this is actually only the start of it all. It is MOST DEFINITELY not only smooth sailing (at least not for us). It is tough to "leave family behind", to leave your comfort zone, and to start something new. I think most people on here will attest to that. Most people will however also attest to the fact that is was for the best, especially for the next generation. Hang in there and good luck! Shout if you ever need anything, there is a lot of knowledgable people on the forum, and almost guaranteed, someone else has gone through or experienced what you are, so you are not alone. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
GerdaT

@tanchette At this stage I can 100% relate to the fact that your head says go, but your heart is broken... But, I really do believe we are doing the right, rational thing for our children. Every family has to make this decision for themselves - but I believe we are making the right choice for our children. All the best with the road ahead. It is not easy. Luckily there are awesome likeminded people on this forum.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CandD

@tanchett We can relate to these feelings that you are having, having completed the whole process ourselves in September and we are planning on landing in Canada Feb 2018.  I try not to see it as leaving family behind but rather giving family another option down the road as it is possible for you to sponsor family members once you are in Canada either as a PR or citizen ( this may be a coping mechanism on my part but it has a good foundation).  With respect to the motivations that made us choose to act now I think you summed it up perfectly in your post: when it comes to our children in 15 or so years time what sort of country will they be in here in SA? 

I love reading the stories people post on this forum, especially the landing stories.  These let me know that the first year is tough but manageable and that gives me the strength to just take the plunge and go.  The people on the forum are so helpful and always willing to give advice based on their experiences gathered on their own journey to Canada.  

I truly wish you the best of luck with respect to the application process.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gerhard SaNamCan

This is so true and I think it is normal to ask yourself, are we making the right move? 

If you are concerned or afraid that you might be making a mistake and you are aware of the cons, I reckon you are on the right track in terms of preparing yourself that there will be challenges to face and that immigration is not a walk in the park. Knowing this and knowing that the reward will be waiting makes the journey doable, at least I hope so. It is when you move over thinking everything will be plain sailing, and then when reality hits and you were not prepared for it, that you might feel that it was a mistake.

This forum is really great and it is so inspiring and motivating to read the stories of those who went and those busy with the process, especially those days when you find yourself doubting your decision. 

All in all stay positive and focus on the goal

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
zandekock

@tanchett good luck with your big move. all the comments above are so truthful and insightful.

@GerhardSaNamCan post is so spot on, if you are concerned about it, it shows that you are really taking it seriously and like he says, preparation is key. The first few months are hard slog, especially with kids in tow, getting to a new normal and into a new routine is hard and keeping the spirits high for everyone while you are stressing or suffering is harder but needed. However, in the bigger scheme of things, the entire lifestyle is soooooo different to SA, that the hard work, the start from the bottom, start from scratch, reboot your mindset, is worth it. So keep that chin up :)

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Andriesvn

@everyone My wife and I have struggled with this for a longer than a year. Finally, June this year we arrived at a decision to start the process. Next week we'll get our IELTS results and apply via the EE programme.

Family is important to both us, but in different ways. I'm ok with just sending a message to my brothers once a week, but my wife needs to communicate daily. We're not very social people, so the friends we have here is from year and years of contact. These two thoughts weighed heavily in our minds while considering the move. The information we found on this forum proved to be the tipping point in favour of applying.

Most prominent in our thoughts are our children (3 and 5 years old). We are afraid for them. I don't want their potential capped. I don't want them to live only 80% because the other 20% is too dangerous. We realise that the comfort we currently experience will not last, but we're going to redefine what comfort means. And from what I've read here, determination and patience will get us there.

Good luck! (And stay away from paranoid thoughts! "What if something bad happens in Canada and by staying in South African it could have been prevented!" We act with the knowledge we have now and we believe immigration to be the best decision.)

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lyle

I actually logged in to like the first post. Thanks for that @tanchett.

For us, scary as it might seem, it was not the crime that has chased us away. Over the years we had come accustomed to hearing stories and reacting by increasing our security and adding preventative measures. All of which does nothing to address the root cause of the problem. 

Opportunity, that's what it came down to for us. Opportunity for me and opportunity for my children. Seeing my kids grow up in a society that offers them the chance they deserve.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lizelle

It definitely sucks not to have family close by.  No question.  

I used to drive home weekends when I was at university to visit with my family.  We are very close.  Now, my dad is in SA, my brother is in New Zealand, and I am here.  We still know what is going on in each other's lives.  We talk every Sunday, we have a WhatsApp chat group that we talk about general stuff (ha, I see it is still raining there :) , type of thing).

My kids were both born outside of SA (one in NZ, and one in Canada).  We finally went back for a visit when they were 7 and 3 (I believe).  It freaked them right out :)  All the things that they are allowed to do without question in Canada were being restricted.  No opening the window when you drive, no running around outside unsupervised, no running ahead in the grocery store.  It struck me then just how much you get used to the restrictions in SA.

We were at a park next to the river the other day.  My 9 yo was out of my sight for 80% of the time there.  She was playing down by the river, or going ahead somewhere, or playing somewhere else.  I can go shopping in the dark of night by myself without a second thought.  I have two huge windows without any burglar bars (I now notice when a building has it on, rather than the lack of them :) )

The difference in the possibilities of their future is like comparing different universes. 

Less and less countries are accepting SA qualifications.  Hard as this sounds, one day mom and dad will no longer be there, but kids will still have to make a future for themselves.  And I believe that when our kids try to get out of SA it will be like someone from Somalia applying.  How much weight would you put in a degree from a university in Somalia?

Here they can go to university, or get a trade, or start a business, or go travel overseas, or... the possibilities are only as small as what they apply themselves to.  

Family can always come visit.  You can still chat online.  It is not the same, but it is enough most of the time.  

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nettie
On 10/12/2017 at 3:10 AM, tanchett said:

Is it normal to feel this way or is it smooth sailing for people wanting to leave?

Welcome to the forums @tanchett. It is perfectly normal. Good luck with your journey. :ilikeit:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now