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  1. tanchett

    To new beginnings...

    What are we doing? This is the question that runs through my head most days. When it's been a long day and I pop off to the shops on the way home from my comfortable job because I can't find the energy to dig through my mess of a freezer for something to cook. When my mum offers to babysit my son on Friday night so that the hubby and I can enjoy a date night (which is just a fancy way of saying we lie on the couch in our pajamas and binge watch whatever's on Netflix). When the entire family has a braai and we play 30 Seconds until our stomachs hurt from all the laughing. Those are the moments when I stop and look around and think, what are we even doing? Can I give this all up? And then the guilt comes trip trapping on my door. Life's easy here and comfortable but I know what the end goal is. My mind knows why we're doing this, my heart sometimes puts up a fight. Still, I long for car trips that don't include me scouring every inch around that robot (traffic light) before I dare to stop my car. Trips to coffee shops where I don't have to make sure I can physically feel my handbag at all times. Days when I don't get snippy with my seven year old for taking too long to get out of the car in the mall parking lot - just in case someone is watching and ready to pounce. My son's seven and so full of innocence and wonder. He has big dreams of being a robotic engineer even though I think he no idea what that really means. I close my eyes and see a day when he finishes high school having worked his little heart out, only to not be accepted into the university he wants to attend. I think even further to the day he's qualified and interviews for a job he's perfect for, that he will never ever even be considered for. And that's when the question arises - what are we even doing? Am I just being a paranoid mum? Do we have what it takes to make it through this? Is it normal to feel this way or is it smooth sailing for people wanting to leave? So here we are. We've spent years researching countries we could maybe get into, with no luck. Canada was always the mirage in the window, beautiful but untouchable. Then the Express Entry changes came into effect, and here we find ourselves: ITA received, application in the process of being completed. This forum has been an eye-opener. So many amazing stories of strength and perseverance and hope. It's exactly what we need during this time when we question our every decision. We're ready for this. Ready to face every hardship that gets thrown our way. Ready to start from the bottom. Ready to fight to make it work. To new beginnings... To new adventures.