My dear fellow South Africans,

Actually do I really have a right to address you all that way when I no longer even hold a South African passport and have not lived in the beloved country for almost a dozen years? Probably not, but forgive me if I still believe that I am one of you. You see, I spent the very best years of my life in my birth country. I was 38 when I left you, fearing for my safety and that of my children's.


I suppose I was a coward, but in another way, I was also incredibly courageous. More so than I realised at the time. I left all of my most loved ones behind to grow old without their children and grandchildren. It was the saddest most difficult thing I have ever had to do and it still haunts me to this day. It was also the bravest thing my parents encouraged us to do, and for the rest of my days, I will admire and respect them for putting us before their own needs and desires. I have often, in later years, wondered if my decision to leave SA was not, at least in part, a knee- jerk reaction. Everyone back then was talking emigration or the demise of South Africa. Everyone seemed to know someone who was a victim of a violent event. We put fear into one another, perhaps to justify our leaving a place we all really felt totally at home in, because it was so much part of our very being. Yet, we still felt compelled to join the chicken run with thousands of others , and we believed that life on the other side would not and could not be so very different from the one we had left behind. Were we all totally delusional? Drunk with the heady wine of great expectations, we packed containers, shed many tears and arrived like zombies in a strange land where everything was contrary to what we had known and grown in.


Our early letters home, for the internet had not yet been born, were filled with tales of an exciting life in a faraway country where the seasons were back- to- front. Never, ever did we want to admit our heartache, our wrenching loneliness and our desire to go back home. We wanted our families to believe that we made of settler stuffing and that we were adapting; we wanted more than anything to believe that ourselves. Sometimes we did, but many times, we were hanging on fine ropes of despair and dreaming of a life we once took for granted, for smells we loved and knew so well and for family we ached to hug and be with. But time is the healer of most hurts, and with the passing years, we made new lives and friends and we appeared to be happy enough. At night, our dreams continued to transport us back to our youth, to the bosom of now split families and to a place we all belonged to. Eventually, most of us took our adopted land into our hearts, not unlike a mother takes to a child she did not grow within her. Canada became part of who we became, but South Africa remained who we really are, and like a parent who loves a child unconditionally, we can never abandon her in our hearts, so she is also ours for all of our days.


When we visit South Africa to see those now ageing and ill parents and greying siblings, it is always a bitter- sweet experience. We so belong, and we so don't. We are the paradoxical prodigals who have come home for a few weeks. We see things through eyes of foreigners who are not strangers. We may compare, but we also marvel. Marvel at how well things in SA appear to have turned out in our absence - the better human relations, the sparkling new buildings, revamped surburban homes and other materialistic artefacts of lfe, which appear to abound in the areas which you visit. Of course you know about the poverty, the AIDS, the plight of ravaged children; we talk about them, but we choose not to really see them. We only see the SA we want to see and we seek for what we left behind. We often wonder what life would have been like for us had we not forsaken our homeland. Would be have been better off here or there? We may never know. We may spend the rest of our lives wondering, and that may always be our dilemma. We tell ourselves that the reasons for our departure are still valid, and perhaps they are, or perhaps we would like them still be be. We are elastic bands, our hearts our constantly being pulled two ways.

And so, my dear fellow South Africans - and yes, I think I do have the right to address you as such, because no matter how long we may live in other countries, we too, will always be South African. We will talk and sound like you and even think like you; we will laugh at the same jokes that you do, and enjoy the same food and art and theatre and books. At the core of our very being, we will be South African until the day we are laid to rest- I wish you all the very best in whatever decisions you make in this life. If you have decided to stay in the beloved land, love it, contribute to it to the best of your ability and enjoy each day you have in an exceptionally beautiful country filled with beautiful people. If you decide to leave and make a new life for yourself elsewhere, go forward with courage and determination, but never forget from whence you came.


With best wishes to you all.

A hyphenated, but proud South African.

Thanks for putting into words what's been going on in my head for the last few weeks....Could not have said it better.

Very well said Karen. Those thoughts are foremost in my mind as well here right after my return from South Africa and a visit like the ones you describe. I guess there will always be that tugging at our heart strings. It may only be with the next generation that the umbilical chord will be severed, and with the next for a new one to be forged ... with Canada, or the USA, ... or somewhere else in the world. Are we becoming Global citizens?

Karen,

Well written and thought provoking.

My feelings will change as I spend more time away from SA I'm sure, but one feeling that remains constant is my deep admiration for South Africans that have the means to move from South Africa (financial and academic/intellectual ability) but elect to remain there with the primary goal of improving the lives of the disadvantaged. They do so at the risk of their own personal safety and their families and they generally don't see the benefits of the good lifestyles the more affluent South Africans lead. They're working at grass roots level in rural communities, creating sustainable economic communities.

Unless we can recreate those strong community and family values again we'll never have a healthy society. I received the news yesterday that our Company Auditor had been shot last week-end whilst cycling down Witkoppen early in the morning. The thugs had pulled out a gun whilst he was cycling toward them and shot him before he could even hand the bike over to them. Thank God he's survived but it'll be a tough road to physical and emotional recovery. The only way we'll prevent the increase of these psychopathic killers in the future is to create family values again. (For the current Psychopaths I have a rather hard view of how to sort them out unfortunately..)

Without wanting to start a debate I believe that those that elect to stay in SA and those of us that have moved to safer countries really have selfish motives. Nothing wrong with that as we want to preserve ourselves and our families and we weigh up that risk with the great lifestyle back home. I'm sure a few of you have read Ayne Rand's books (especially The Fountainhead) and her assertions that selfishness per se is not somthing to be despised but to be embraced....

Karen, you're feelings are shared by so many of us. Me, sitting in my car with a warm coffee, looking over a bitterly cold Lake Ontario earlier this week, made me long for days way, way back - days before plans were brewing in our hearts and made us move here. I could SMELL my garden and could FEEL the air, familiar SOUNDS were with me and made me numb to the sights I was facing at that moment......... . Those feelings might fade in time, but will never leave our spirits for good!

Hi Karen

You will always be a South African, one should never think that you could loose your identity. You went to Canada a long time ago, we want to leave for Canada ASAP. According to me (I don't want to start a debate) you and all the other South Africans who left SA made the right choice.

Things in SA are looking better, interest rates are down, the property market is booming, but if you look underneath thing are not well. I don,t want my unborn children to become a SA statistic.

I know there is a lot of positives to South Africa but at this point in time I think the best thing to do is to leave the country.

Regards

Johan

Hi Johan,

It's good to know that we did, in fact, make the right decision and I wish you all the luck in the world in your emigration process and in your new lives here.


You are right - we will never lose our South African identity- it's just that it can, after a while, become a bit blurred. Your mindset can change here and you start to feel comfortable in your new home after a few years, but just one thing can happen which makes you realise that you can never totally fit in here as the locals do. You find yourself in a bit of an identity limbo from time to time.

I have friends who have been in Canada for 36 years. They have spent more time here than they did in SA, and they truly feel Canadian, but they just have to open their mouths or say "voetsek" to the dog, and they are SAfrican once more! When we are out with them at a restaurant, the waiters all automatically assume that we are from SA, despite them believing that they sound so Canadian! At my place of work, I am the 'South African teacher" still, and every kid who has even the minutest SA connection, thinks I know everyone from SA!! It will never change, no matter how long I am here, and I have no problem with that, either.

I wrote four different posts in response to Karen and Sean, and then refrained from posting them, feeling that it might be inappropriate, or that the timing was bad...or that I would simply be misread.

So I shall just say the following:

1. I do not believe we have to be called "selfish' for one millisecond for coming here in the interest of our children and I certainly think that is the wrong word to use. I specifically feel Africa must now solve its own problems without me. They wanted me and mine to leave...I did. So be it.

2. I do not feel I left on any form of "chicken-run"...rather, I feel many folks in SA who can leave and do not are suffering from "boiled frog syndrome"...they are going to sit there in superficial happiness withthe trappings of money while it gets worse and worse and then, when it is too late, they will wake up. I do not include in this statement the very many who have no hope of leaving. It is mostly the ones with money that are BS-íng themselves anyway...the lack of money sharpens the thinking and highlights the real issues.

3. Yes, I also verlang back every now and then. I can understand, though, that winter in the East, and Christmas, and visits to family can be depressing...I get rid of the feeling by clearly remembering why I left. I do not find that difficult in the least. BUT...do I still love Africa...yes!

4. So, here I stand....A Canadian of European Dutch-German-French descent who was born in South Africa and speaks Afrikaans......just like many other first generation immigrants retain their particular roots. Many, if not most, of the people I work with are second (often first) generation immigrants...their parents did this thing...and still speak their respective original languages. So this experience is nothing new.

One of the things that IS different for us, is the sense of permanent loss of our homeland and culture. South Africa, as we knew it, is disappearing into something that is not exactly the prime example of Western Civilisation. Italy, Germany, Greece, Russia, Ukraine etc are still there as before. That sense of loss is tough. Other immigrants are not having to deal with that loss.

Johan Heyneke - I am afraid you are right! I KNOW we've made the right decision and I visit South Africa every time with an open mind. I search for the signs to prove we made a mistake and after 10 years overseas, I am afraid - we have not been proven otherwise. Just sometimes your head leave your body and you find yourself in a place of longing for that that was........... ! Thank you for your insight, understanding and support.

One of the things I told myself before we moved to Canada, was to try and remember the reasons why I left South Africa and my family behind. And this was because I know that human nature is to forget the bad things and remember the good things.

There is one thing that I will struggle to forget and that is that constant awareness that my life was in danger, no matter where I was. I felt unsafe inside and outside my house. Yes, you learn to live with it and you learn how to avoid it, but it was a constant black cloud that was ever present.

All the other things I do miss. I miss nice beaches, I miss my family, but I am very happy that I dont have that cloud over me any more. Although, I worry about my family and friends and everyone else that has to live with that threat. But I can't live other people's lives for them. I can only look after myself. And I feel much better now that I don't have that cloud that drains my energy anymore.

I don't believe, Harry, that this experience is unique at all. There are many immigrants from countries which have undergone change far greater and more disturbing than we can ever know.

One of my colleagues is a Bosnian Serb. He grew up as a Serb in what is now Bosnia-Hercegovina(BH). As a Serb, he was part of the dominant culture of the former Yugoslavia. However, in BH, Serbs are a minority in a largely Bosnian Muslim population, yet through massive oppression by a small group of Serbs, managed to oppress the larely Muslim Bosnian majority in their attempts to create Greater Serbia. The ensuing war and subsequent tentative peace has resulted in a great loss for all Bosnian Serbs, who will forever be tainted as a nation for the immense cruelty they subjected a group of people to.

I still remain amazed at how functional South Africa remains despite the immense change that South Africa has gone through, and that its leaders remain practical and focused. I suspect that one of the main reasons this debate continues on sites like these is that South Africa still offers a lot of hope and opportunity, and its a gamble for most people on whether immigration will offer a better opportunity, given the initial financial and emotional loss that we need to make to get it to work.

Digin,

One of the chaps I worked with in SA was the son of Serbian and German parents, and another chap was a Bulgarian and few were Greek. Please make no mistake as to what the feelings in the Greek, Bulgarian and other largely Orthodox Christian communities was/is on the matter of Yugoslavia. With respect to the 1999 Kosovo debacle, a Canadian officer recently said: "We bombed the wrong G.......d people!". Maybe, just maybe...the West IS learning...ever so slowly.

However, [and avoiding a major discourse on Yugoslavia and the absolutely key role of the Othodox Christian Serbs over numerous centuries in defence of The West for the moment], last time I looked Serbia was still there...just across the border from where your friend grew up...Belgrade ( capital of Serbia), is less than 60miles from the Bosnian border.

In Serbia the Serbs have their country and they have their language and they have their people It may not be the borders they like, but they have a country that is indisputably theirs with a culture that is theirs and I bet even money they'll do their thing again in future. So Serbia is alive and well and waiting for the next round...and believe me it is inevitable after the Kosovo debacle.

Even the much oppressed and attacked Kurds have a largely undisputed territory in Iraq (much to the chagrin of the Turks in the north and the Arabs in the south).

I think you'll have to find another parallel. I'm not sure where there is another. Maybe the Russians that were left in the Asian Republics, but they can go to Russia.

Nevertheless, I agree that SA is holding together remarkably well for now, but the anger is indisputably rising and the ability to stomach the outrage is wearing thin on both ends of the spectrum.

Trying to create a unique parallel is hard, but I still think the Bosnian Serb situation has enough parallels to warrant some comparison. To tell a Bosnian Serb that Serbia is his home, is a bit like telling a South African White that they should go back to England and Holland. Bosnian Serbs are not citizens of Serbia - while they can emigrate there, they do so at immense loss to their personal property.

My point about Bosnian Serbs is that they feel very similar to the South African White. The land they originally grew up (Bosnia-Hercegovina) is no longer a Serb "colony", and while they share a cultural history with neighbouring Serbia, it is not the country in which they were born. Of course, many young Bosnian Serb kids leave to work in Serbia (much like the "London experience" that young South African whites), but it is quite difficult to settle there.

Without sending this topic on another track, I see the Yugoslavian mess as another example of why attempts at Nationalism tend to fail over the healthier step of building countries based on multi-ethnic democratic solutions, of which Turkey and Malaysia are prime examples.

I think that now South Africa has chosen this latter, healthier path, it has a better chance of succeeding. Of course, no country can solve its problems overnight (Malaysia and Turkey still have problems quelling Nationalist tendencies, and dealing with empowering the poor while at the same time maintaining minority rights - but at least they do so with fairly open debate and a minimum of violence.)

Digin,

I think the Serbia-Bosnia thing is more like the South Africa-Namibia thing. The one borders the other, even if the scales are vastly different.

What on Earth is the connection of the average Afrikaans guy with England 6,000 miles ( SIX THOUSAND MILES) away...ye Gods!!...and Holland is even further removed in time in the "national" thought. The only Afrikaans folks I know with any significant feelings towards Holland are those whose parents came from there in the 20th century. To me it is as removed as Germany or France. They dumped us at the Cape in 1652 and basically packed up and left 200 ( TWO HUNDRED) years ago, you know! My own ancestors arrived in the 1600's and no family member EVER went to Holland or England before me. We only ever knew Africa...and Holland was not 60 miles away. Jô!!

Maybe we truly ARE The White Tribe. I think you seriously misread the soul of the Afrikaner in particular. Please note again carefully why he calls himself "Afrikaner" and not "Nederlandse Setlaar." It was the overt symbol of them throwing their lot in with Africa, as opposed to Europe.

If Mbeki would spend just a little time trying to understand these simple but profound things, he could build a magnificent country...but alas, he is hell bent on treating people like colonial settlers....and they know it!

I don't for one minute claim to have any knowledge of the Afrikaner soul, but I do think the Afrikaner never embraced being part of Africa, except as a piece of land to be conquered, not shared.

Afrikaners do have a lot of connections to Europe - they see themselves at least holding the same religious values (Protestant Christianity), the same cultural values (European history, arts, etc were a dominant part of Afrikaner upbringing)and always sought to protect these from the "native world". I do not see anything meaningful in their history where they as a people tried to meaningfully engage with the other tribes of Africa, well at least not until the De Klerk era.



While I too share a frustration with Mbeki's tendency to place African nationalism above non-racialism (see Koos Kombuis's article, which I think captures this frustration I too feel as a pro-ANC liberal), I do think there is a lack of will on the side of the Afrikaner to embrace what it means to be a part of Africa. I do think some Afrikaners are getting the message though - the recent joining of the Nationalist Party into the ANC structures is a sign that at least some Afrikaners are getting the point.

" the recent joining of the Nationalist Party into the ANC structures is a sign that at least some Afrikaners are getting the point"

Digin - Sorry to say,the NNP,s who joined into the ANC structures did so to save their own skins and they are still far from "getting to the point" . They took the gap when it appeared and now it appears as if they scored the winning try/goal.
All of them are still in the cloakroom,waiting to be selected for "a team" .That team must still be selected ,based on certain criteria,and their opponents must also still be found as the other teams are not in the same league(DP/FF/ACDP/ID)

Now how the did this beautiful letter of Karen turned into yet another political discussion??


But while we are at it, Digin, what gives you the insight/authority to make assumptions like that?

digin, I understand what you are getting at, and while I'd much like to argue with you on your understandable view of the Afrikaner, the cultural battle on the table in SA is not a matter of Afrikaner attitudes. It is in fact a simple choice:

Make a Civilisation out of Africa OR Make an Africa out of the Civilisation.

I want the former, but see the latter happening. This is really not deep in my view.

In the end it seems we agree where it really matters....the nationalism of the govenment. I'm glad you made that view clear. It gives me hope.

Patche, I think it is simple. That beautiful letter of Karen's was used as an attempt by a moderator to again make a couple of fairly breezy assumptions about the current state of things in South Africa, and I quote:



While I deeply respect Harry, when a statement like this is made like this, I think it deserves a response, and my only attempt was to make a fairly reasoned response on why I think differently. Surely, you should at least give me that right. Remember, a vote was taken on SACanada on whether we should ban all political discussions, and the result was that we should let it continue, as long as both sides play fair.

However, I do not wish to take away from Karen's beautiful letter, so perhaps I can ask one of the moderators to split out this thread.



I don't mean that my statement was some authoritative pronouncement on the Afrikaner, but merely an opinion on how I perceive history. Perhaps, it, too, was just a breezy assumption, though I did try and qualify it as much as possible.

If you know anything about me, I really don't see Nationalism (whether it's African Nationalism of the form the PAC and some members of the ANC Youth League sprout out, or Afrikaner Nationalism, which was what led to the abuses of apartheid) as a solution to South Africa's problems. This was the point I was trying to get accross: that most of the Afrikaner history until recently seemed more engaged on Nationalism, rather than building a tolerant multi-ethnic society like Canada, Malaysia or Turkey(for the most part), which I believe stands a greater chance of getting us to the prosperity we all seek.

I would like to butt in here in Karen's defence. The fact that she is a host here on SACanada does not disqualify her to air her opinion. And that is what I see her letter as, an opinion and observations from whatever viewpoint she is observing developments in South Africa. I am not going to ask hosts to keep quiet about how they feel about things, or to share their perceptions with the rest of us. Most hosts here were in fact approached because they were among the more outspoken members of the forum! Asking them to become hosts should not be seen as a muzzling move.

And having come back from South Africa just recently, Karen's letter echoes my observations of our beloved country almost to a tee. There is an optimism in South Africa at the moment that is almost tangibly synthetic. On the surface, everything looks prosperous, but when you leave the glitzy tourist routes you quickly realize that there is a despondency and an apprehension for the future that no-one dare speak about. In the long run, I fear that Africa will once again usurp our fatherland into the African way. Western civilization is not welcome there anymore ... but then again, maybe it never was?

Hendie, sorry, you get me wrong. I had no problem with Karen's letter. It was beautiful, and well put. What I was responding to was Harry using it as an attempt to make what I saw was a fairly general negative statement about South Africa:



Now I believe moderator's can say what they like within the rules, but a statement like the one above I find definitely provocative, and worthy of a response. When a moderator of a site for South African immigrants makes such a defamatory statement about South Africa, I think it can quite easily be construed that SACanada is deliberately trying to slag off South Africa. As a member of SACanada, I wanted to make clear this was not my thinking, and within the site rules beg to differ with Harry.

Hendie,

I figure that comment of mine was probably worth a response from Digin...and I have not been provoked by his responses. Unfortunately others have. I thought we were ticking along rather nicely on a subject that is contentious and near the heart. In that department, my emotions run rather differently from Karen's and I said so.

I do not expect digin to see Afrikaners as heroes in the least...he has a different background and experience. Maybe his comment about Afrikaners hit a bit of a nerve, but I thought by now we were used to that kind of comment from many places...at least I am.

I respect debate and not verbal punch-ups. I thought this was a debate. I have my opinion on matters and I thought I stated it in a decent non-derogatory fashion. I figured those are the rules, and moderators are allowed to participate. It seems it was STILL too critical for Digin. In the process I believe he has now seen that his comments about people can also offend. As I have said before, outrage is not the dominion of the liberal mindset.

I am unhappy that things have suddenly got intense here after the fact. I don't think it was necessary at all.

Could we be rustig here again, please? Digin has a view and I have a view and I thought we were operating fairly well within the parameters of decent discussion. If not, then split the thread. To be very direct, I am way, way,way too busy at this time with real problems for artificial ones to use up my time.

Harry, I am extremely rustig. Don't think for a minute that I was getting upset or anything. Like I have also told you in the past, one has to discern which are the battles that you would die on a hill for, and which are just not worth the effort. I merely used the opportunity to stress that being a host on SACanada should not disqualify one from having an immigrant perspective and opinion of things.

So noted!

My apologies to Karen if she perceives blood dripping off her original post here.

Thanks Hendie for making us rustig again.

As one of the blood-spillers, I apologise too that this thread got hijacked.

Perhaps the comments to the thread, if Harry and the other participants are OK with it, be moved to The Cooler, and Karen's letter can be left in the Journal to stand alone.

I think that would be appropriate as I think we all do not wish to lose what was a heartfelt, inspiring piece.

Now if only the rest of the planet can resolve their difference of opinions in such a pleasant manner!

I have really enjoyed reading the letter and the responses. I think as new immigrants access the forum and read about how ex pats feel, they also need to know that some feel strongly about returning and that some feel there is no more hope for SA as it will never be the same.

Also that the Canadian culture is to talk, debate, talk debate, talk and debate some more until someone serves up an answer to leave everything the way it was before all the talking and debating.

SA 1 - Canada 1

Now who do we speak to about the hockey????

Hey Adelle,
Never mind the hockey what about the CRICKET!

(This comment is in no way meant to spark any form of debate regarding the merits of a prestigeous Colonial sport versus a smack-bang on a piece of slippery ice)

Gee, a letter from the heart often has these consequences. It stirs the pot in all of us. It encourages re-evaluation. That's a good thing.

I'd like to add my 10 cents worth to the sentiments of, firstly, Karen's letter and then to the Harry / Digin debate.

I read the letter with great interest as I'm only 4 or so months away from making my move. I have already started thinking about what I am about to lose and in my darkest hours I might have even shed a tear. But you know what the saddest thing of all is? Life is loss. The human spirit will ALWAYS have to deal with loss. One day we will all lose our parents, spouses, partners, favourite book our pets, our health, our optimism, our pessimism our looks and so on and so on. However, the up side is that God, the universe, Allah, Buddha (whoever gives you the faith to face the world) will never only take. It's like a big conveyor belt... You get to chose what you want, you take it, and while you're packing it away 5 other items go by. But there will be more nice stuff on the way to chose from. That's the balance of it all, I'm affraid. While you're gaining on one side, you're losing on the other. And this is why humanity has, for eons, wrote songs and poems about longing, melancholy and that sort of thing. Because that's the way it goes.

I sit here in Jo'burg, preparing myself for the trip and do you know what makes me sad? Remebering people and times that, even if I stay, I'll never have back again. But I'm still looking forward to going. And probably for some of the same reasons you listed when YOU were preparing to leave. The crime which is always at the back of your mind, looking over your shoulder just to check things are ok, the slow decline of your surroundings, the slow drip drip as your quality of life runs out day after day. I mean, very few of us can say we're true citizens of this country. How many white folk go into the city anymore? How often do we go out to thaetres in town? When were you last at the State Theatre (if it's still there)? Can you drive into town to look at the christmas lights down Commissioner or Market or Rissik streets? Can you go for a walk in The Wilds? You can, but nobody does. So you just become closed off from your own country. That's sad. I feel I've lost it even though I'm still here. People are enclosing themselves in their little warm and fuzzy (and very expensive) cacoons. One's sense of belonging to a broader community is lost.

Now to the other debate ...
The funny thing about Afrikaaners is that they cover the political spectrum from right to left. I've really found that even though we're led to believe they're the bastions of the right wing (as some are) that the most well adjusted white people in this country are Afrikaans. Possibly because their European ties were severred further back than those of the English speaking folk, they seem to be more rooted in SA. More willing to make it work. I might be way off, it's just my perception. The fact that the majority of Afrikaans speakers are non-white might have something to do with it.

As for the NP joining forces with the ANC because of vision or a common goal ... I think not. Kortbroek needed a job. And that's all. He was going nowhere on his own and needed powerful allies to help pay the bills. Tony Leon has traditionally white big business, Kortbroek has "friends" with struggle credentials. These are the two camps and for those of us who can't identify with either side ... well, maybe our place is elsewhere.

Thanks for the original post Karen. It gave me the motivation to reflect objectively on my situation. And, I must say, after all is said and done ... even though I'll always be a South African, it doesn't stop me from sampling some other thingies off the conveyor belt.

Well said and written, Marius.


I loved your conveyor belt analogy and feel sure that once you hop onto it, you will look forward only and make a great success of the great adventure you are soon to embark on.


I have visited SA at least 10 times since living here in Canada, and each time I go back, I am aware of subtle ( and sometimes not- so- subtle) changes which remove the country from the one I knew and loved so well more than a decade ago now. Still, having said that, it takes just one smell, sight or taste to transport one back to happy childhood days and make one nostalgic for the SA of your own past.

For me, the smells of jasmine in the garden after a cleansing Highveld storm transport me back to my high school days and the number ot times I arrived home drenched after cycling happily in the rain to thick, hot white bread cheese and tomatoe sarmies. As a young teacher, I liked nothing better than reading Shakespeare under a huge Jacaranda tree on a warm Spring morning, or the smells of a swimming gala on a hot weekday afternoon. I have just have to see a large iced chelsea bun, and I fondly recall the tuckshop at my school, which served the best, biggest and warmest of such goodies, and whilst I am on that subject, they also served a mean toated cheese sandwich, with the melted cheese dripping outside of the bread, just waiting to be munched off. Of course, you had to have a Fipso drink in a plastic bag with it! And who remembers the corner cafe - what a treat it was to be sent there and to come home with a bag of sherbert you sucked off the wooden spoon or a liquorice pipe?

I visited Muizenberg a few years back, the place of my childhood holidays with my grandparents and cousins, and although it hardly resembled the beach of my memories, it did not take long to recall the lilos, the sand- filled triangular sandwiches my dear late Granny packed into a former biscuit tin for all of us to hungrily munch on as we sat with dripping cozzies and hair on crumpled towels on the hot, white sand. The smell of the surf along the Prom in Sea Point has to be the defining smell of my happy childhood holidays spent with caring grandparents who were so much fun to visit, and who I can still see so clearly in my mind when I imagine the place.


I could go on and on about the memories the sights and sounds and smells even the new SA still evokes in me when I return to a very different place. I may no longer choose to live there, but as I have said before, it will always live within my very being.

It is these smells, sights and sounds of Africa that are making me wonder if I am depriving my children of the beauty of Africa by bringing them up where we have close to 7 months of winter! The children here lead indoor lives by comparison to the South African children - they SA kids all look so much heather leading their outdoor lives that combine school and extra murals so well. As happy and as settled as we are in Canada, having gone back for the month of February and realizing that the weather is so much a part of our lives we are not sure we can spend my the rest of our lives with this climate.

Kerri,

I totally agree with you and I feel that my kids certainly did lose out by living the indoor life for so many winters.

South African children do look healthier and are much fitter, on the whole. There is nothing to beat fresh air and sport for kids, and that is why I feel so many S.Africans are so happy emigrating to Australia, where the lifestyle and climate is similar to what we were used to.

Twelve winters here and I am also sick and tired of the weather right now, but somehow I forget about it all when the first buds of Spring start appearing and I just love that season and summer and even Fall.

Still, my aim is to someday retire in Vancouver!